Finally Getting to Even

Simply trying to balance our lives one day at a time…

More Short Stories

Please visit   http://www.finallygettingtoeven.com for fresh new content.

When the Rev. Edward Everett Hale was the chaplain of the United States Senate, he was asked if he prayed for the Senators.

“No” he said, “I look at the Senators and pray for the country”.

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Three hippies were driving along the turnpike, doing about ninety miles an hour, when suddenly the one in the back seat noticed that his door was rattling, so he slammed it shut.

The driver glanced suspiciously into the rear view mirror.  “Hey, man,” he asked, “who got in?”

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Here’s a suggestion for parents who become naturally worried when their kids are away from home, either at camp or college, and neglect to call.

Sent the kid a letter and add this postscript:  “Sure hope you can use the $100 bucks I am enclosing.”

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One friend says to the other, “Look, we’ve been friends for a long time.  I know what you are losing on the market.  Tell me-this has to affect your sleep-how do you sleep at night?”
The other says, “I sleep like a baby”
“What do you mean you sleep like a baby?”
“I wake up every two hours and cry.”

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When they wheeled a man into the operating room and raised his gown, the surgeon found a piece of tape pasted across his abdomen, which read, “Think”.

When the traffic cop stopped the motorist, she asked indignantly, “What do you want with me?”

“You were traveling seventy miles per hour,” answered the police officer.

“Seventy miles an hour?  Why, I haven’t even been driving an hour,” protested the woman.

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A young miss presented a check to a bank teller for cashing.
The teller examined it, then said, “Can you identify yourself?”
The puzzled girl reached into her handbag and brought out a small mirror.  For a moment she studied it, and then she smiled.
“Yes,” she said, “it’s me alright!”

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A husband telephoned his wife.  “I’d like to bring Jim home to dinner tonight.”
“To dinner tonight?” screamed his wife.  “You know I a have a cold, the baby is cutting his teeth, and the house is as hot as an oven because you can’t afford air conditioning, and my household money is gone, so we’ll have to eat hash again.”
“I know all that, darling,” he interrupted quietly.  “That’s why I want to bring him,  The idiot is talking about getting married.”

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“Oh yes, there’s one more thing,” said the sick man to his lawyer, who was writing out the will.  “I want these men to be my pall-bearers.”

The lawyer looked at the list of names and could not recognize one of them as a good friend of the sick man.  Naturally he asked why they were the ones chosen.

“They’re my creditors,” the sick man explained.  “They’ve been carrying me most of my life, so they might as well finish the job.”

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A Funny Dog Story from the Atlanta Daily

SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I’m a very good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cosy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right way and watch me respond. I’ll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I’m yours. Call (xxx) xxx-xxxx and ask for Daisy.

Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane Society about an 8-week old black Labrador retriever dog.

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This is a story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody.

There was an important job to be done and
Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it.
Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.
Somebody got angry about that because it was Everybody’s job.
Everybody thought that Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that
Everybody wouldn’t do it.
It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when
Nobody did what Anybody could have done.

Written by getawaygoastray

July 18, 2010 at 5:31 pm

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